Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
