Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
