i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
