Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
