In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
