I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
