I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
