my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
