I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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