I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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