I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
