That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
