So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
