i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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