Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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