Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
