Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
