why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
