toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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