What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
