idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
