I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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