probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
