Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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