I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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