My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
