Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
