I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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