he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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