I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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