i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
