i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
