i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
