I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I want a musical about memes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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