I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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