I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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