You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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