i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
