So drunk its hurt
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
