Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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