Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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