I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
