Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
