I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
