It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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