I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
