Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
