I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
