I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
