And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
