I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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