I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
