My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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