Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
