My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She made me pour olive oil on her.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
