Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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