I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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