Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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