i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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