Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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