Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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