That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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