I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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