Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
