I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
