I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wear drunk well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
