im six kinds of drunk right now
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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