Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
