I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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